IFEELFIVE

The ifeelfive feelings wheel · Deutsch

“Fine” is not a feeling.

How are you? “Fine.” We all say it, every day. Behind “good” there is often proud, relieved or simply tired, and behind “bad” lonely, overwhelmed or hurt. Find the precise word, and you are closer to knowing what you need. Start in the middle and move out until it fits. Tap a word.

Start in the middle. Move out until it fits.

Your wallpaper

Every time you pick up your phone: the question for the precise word.

iPhone: tap “Save for phone”, then “Save Image”. In Photos: share, “Use as Wallpaper”. Android: save it, then “Set as wallpaper” in Photos.

Phone wallpaper with the feelings wheel
Desktop wallpaper with the feelings wheel

Free, no sign-up

For the fridge and the team room.

A4 PDF to printQuestion cards to print

Free to share, with ifeelfive.com as the source. Image use · Deutsche Version

Joyful

Where does it come from?
  • Self What did you do for yourself that helped this feeling grow?
  • Social Who is part of this feeling? Tell them.
  • Work What at work made room for this?
  • Purpose What does this feeling show you about what matters to you?

Loving

  • Close

    Someone gets you, and you get them.

    Even more precise: connected · understood

    Ask yourselfWho made you feel understood lately? What did they do?

    Tell them

    Back to the wheel ↑

  • Tender

    Soft and warm towards someone.

    Even more precise: warm · affectionate

    Ask yourselfWho would you like to tell how much they mean to you?

    Tell them

    Back to the wheel ↑

  • Caring

    You want someone to be okay, and you want to help.

    Even more precise: compassionate · protective

    Ask yourselfWho are you looking after right now? And who looks after you?

    Say it to yourself“I put my own oxygen mask on first.”

    Back to the wheel ↑
Where does it come from?
  • Self What did you do for yourself that helped this feeling grow?
  • Social Who is part of this feeling? Tell them.
  • Work What at work made room for this?
  • Purpose What does this feeling show you about what matters to you?

Calm

Where does it come from?
  • Self What did you do for yourself that helped this feeling grow?
  • Social Who is part of this feeling? Tell them.
  • Work What at work made room for this?
  • Purpose What does this feeling show you about what matters to you?

Strong

Where does it come from?
  • Self What did you do for yourself that helped this feeling grow?
  • Social Who is part of this feeling? Tell them.
  • Work What at work made room for this?
  • Purpose What does this feeling show you about what matters to you?

Surprised

Where does it come from?
  • Self How does your body react to it: faster, slower, tighter?
  • Social Who could you talk to about it?
  • Work Does it change how you see your work?
  • Purpose Is this a door to something new, or a reason to pause?

Angry

Where does it come from?
  • Self Is your body asking for something: sleep, food, movement, quiet?
  • Social Is someone part of this? What would you like them to know?
  • Work Does it come from your work? What could you hand off or let go of?
  • Purpose Does it touch something that really matters to you?

Anxious

Where does it come from?
  • Self Is your body asking for something: sleep, food, movement, quiet?
  • Social Is someone part of this? What would you like them to know?
  • Work Does it come from your work? What could you hand off or let go of?
  • Purpose Does it touch something that really matters to you?

Sad

Where does it come from?
  • Self Is your body asking for something: sleep, food, movement, quiet?
  • Social Is someone part of this? What would you like them to know?
  • Work Does it come from your work? What could you hand off or let go of?
  • Purpose Does it touch something that really matters to you?

Why precise words help

A feeling with a name gets a little smaller.

Your friend has used a wheel like this for years, in a small circle of entrepreneurs who meet regularly and share honestly how they are doing in every part of life. At first every round sounds the same: good, busy, tired. With the wheel on the table, the answers get more precise, and the talks get deeper.

Research points the same way. Putting a feeling into words often already helps a little to calm it (Lieberman et al., 2007). And people who can tell their feelings apart finely tend to cope better with hard times (Kashdan, Barrett & McKnight, 2015). No magic and no therapy, more of a small habit: once a day, pause and ask how it really feels.

How to use it: start in the middle with the feeling that is closest. Then move outwards until a word fits. There are no wrong feelings, and feeling several at once is normal. It works well in the evening, after the check-in, at dinner or to open a team meeting. Every word has a question for you, and a pointer to where it might come from: you, your people, your work or your why.

The wheel is no substitute for help. If a heavy feeling stays for a long time, talk to someone trained for it.

The listening compass

Four moves that turn small talk into a real talk.

The wheel helps you understand yourself. The compass helps you reach the feeling level with someone else, instead of expecting “good” as the answer.

  1. Ask small and concrete.Not “How was it?” but “Who made you laugh today?” Concrete questions get concrete answers.
  2. Listen to understand, not to answer.Stop planning your reply. Say back in your own words what you heard, then check if you got it right.
  3. Name the feeling.“Sounds like you were more disappointed than angry?” Guessing is fine, they will correct you. The feelings wheel helps.
  4. Stay one more question.Ask one follow-up, or simply hold a pause. The real answer often comes after the first sentence.

Better questions

“Good.” is a normal answer to a flat question.

Ask “How was school?” and you will hear “good”, every day. Ask “Who made you laugh today?” and you might hear a story. Here are 56 small, concrete questions for yourself, for kids, partners, friends and teams, across all four pillars. Pick one. Then really listen.

For yourself

Ask yourself, then answer honestly. Nobody's listening.

  • Instead of “How am I?”SelfWhat does my body need most right now?
  • Instead of “Good day?”SelfWhat gave me energy today, and what took it?
  • Instead of “Am I a good friend?”SocialWho did I really listen to this week?
  • Instead of “Was I productive?”WorkWhat did I do today that I'd still be glad about in a year?
  • Instead of “Is this the right path?”PurposeWhat would I keep doing even if nobody saw it?
  • Instead of “Why do I feel like this?”SelfIf this feeling could talk, what would it ask me for?
  • Instead of “What's the point?”PurposeWhat did I do this week that felt like me?
  • Instead of “Do people like me?”SocialWho do I feel most like myself with? When did I last see them?

For kids

After school, at dinner, at bedtime. Small and concrete beats big and general.

  • Instead of “How was school?”SocialWho made you laugh today, and with what?
  • Instead of “Did you have a good day?”SocialWhat was the best moment of your day? And the hardest?
  • Instead of “Are you tired?”SelfIf today were weather, what would it be?
  • Instead of “Do you have friends?”SocialWho did you sit with at lunch? What did you talk about?
  • Instead of “What did you learn?”WorkWhat did you learn today that surprised you?
  • Instead of “What do you want to be?”PurposeIf you could teach the whole class something, what would it be?
  • Instead of “Is everything okay?”SocialWas there a moment today when you felt left out?
  • Instead of “Why are you upset?”SelfWhere in your body do you feel it? What would help a little?

For the whole family

Everyone answers, the youngest first. Simple words, no wrong answers.

  • Instead of “Was it a good day?”SelfWhat made you smile today?
  • Instead of “Was everyone nice?”SocialWho was kind to you today?
  • Instead of “How are you?”SelfIf you were an animal today, which one would you be? Why?
  • Instead of “Anything planned?”PurposeWhat are you looking forward to tomorrow?
  • Instead of “Do you miss anyone?”SocialWho would you like to give a hug right now?
  • Instead of “Was it okay?”SelfWhat was a little bit hard today?
  • Instead of “Did you do your jobs?”WorkWhat did you help with today?
  • Instead of “Was it boring?”WorkWhat made you forget the time today?
  • Instead of “Did you do well?”PurposeWhat did you do this week that you are proud of?
  • Instead of “Were you scared?”SelfWhen did you feel brave this week?
  • Instead of “Any complaints?”SocialIf you could change one rule at home, which one, and why?
  • Instead of “Who's your favourite?”PurposeWho do you look up to, and what about them?
  • Instead of “What do you think?”PurposeWhat is something you changed your mind about this year?
  • Instead of “Everything fine?”SocialWhat do you wish the others at this table understood better?
  • Instead of “Are you okay?”SelfWhen did you last feel really like yourself?
  • Instead of “Are you happy?”SocialWhat would you like more of in our family, and what less?

For your partner

On a walk, at the table, phones away. One question is enough for an evening.

  • Instead of “How was your day?”SocialWhat were the best ten minutes of your day?
  • Instead of “Anything new?”SocialWhat made you smile today that I don't know about yet?
  • Instead of “Are you okay?”SelfWhat is taking up the most space in your head right now?
  • Instead of “Do you still love me?”SocialWhen did you feel closest to me this week?
  • Instead of “What should we do this weekend?”PurposeWhat would make this weekend feel like ours?
  • Instead of “Is something wrong?”SocialIs there something you'd like more of from me, or less of?
  • Instead of “Where do you see us in five years?”PurposeWhat do you want us to still be doing when we're old?
  • Instead of “Are you happy?”SelfWhat part of your life feels most like you right now? Which part least?

For friends

Over coffee, on the phone, in a group. Ask, then stay for the answer.

  • Instead of “What's up?”SocialWhat's the best thing that happened to you since we last talked?
  • Instead of “Busy?”SelfWhat are you looking forward to right now?
  • Instead of “How's life?”PurposeWhat did you do this week that felt like you?
  • Instead of “How's work?”WorkIf you could change one thing about your work tomorrow, what would it be?
  • Instead of “Seen anyone lately?”SocialWho do you miss? What's stopping you from calling them?
  • Instead of “All good?”SelfWhat's been heavy lately that you haven't told anyone?
  • Instead of “Any plans?”PurposeWhat would you try if you knew nobody would judge you?
  • Instead of “We should meet up.”SocialWhat do you need from a friend right now: advice, company or just someone who listens?

For your team

To open a meeting or a 1:1. No private questions, nobody has to answer.

  • Instead of “How are you?”WorkOne word from the feelings wheel for how you start this meeting?
  • Instead of “Any updates?”WorkWhat went better this week than you expected?
  • Instead of “How was work?”WorkWhat took more energy today than it was worth?
  • Instead of “Do you need anything?”WorkWhat is one thing I could stop doing that would help you?
  • Instead of “Is the project on track?”WorkWhat worries you about this project that nobody has said out loud yet?
  • Instead of “Are you happy here?”WorkWhen did you last feel proud of your work here? What made it possible?
  • Instead of “Where do you see yourself?”PurposeWhat would you like to be known for in this team a year from now?
  • Instead of “How's the team?”SocialWho on this team deserves a thank-you they haven't heard yet?

Turn them into a game: Let’s play IFEELFIVE →

Questions people ask

What is a feelings wheel?

A circle of words for feelings. A few core feelings sit in the middle, and each one opens into finer, more precise words towards the outside. It helps you find the word that really fits instead of “fine” or “good”.

How do you use the feelings wheel?

Start in the middle with the feeling that is closest, for example sad or anxious. Then move outwards until a word fits. There are no wrong feelings, and you can feel several at once.

Why does naming a feeling help?

Research suggests that putting a feeling into words can make it a little less intense, and that people who describe their feelings precisely tend to cope with them better. It is no therapy, just a small, useful habit.

Can I print the feelings wheel?

Yes. Download it for free as an A4 PDF or as a phone wallpaper, in English or German. Please keep ifeelfive.com on it when you share it.

Is this the same as the Plutchik or Willcox wheel?

No. Feelings wheels exist in many versions, and this one is our own: eight core feelings, 24 finer and 48 precise words, chosen for everyday life.

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