Instead of "How was school?" Questions kids actually answer.
In short
Kids answer concrete questions better than general ones. Instead of "How was school?" try "Who made you laugh today, and with what?" or "What was the best moment of your day? And the hardest?". Small, specific and curious questions open a real conversation, especially at dinner, in the car or at bedtime.
The questions
Instead of
How was school?Who made you laugh today, and with what?
Instead of
Did you have a good day?What was the best moment of your day? And the hardest?
Instead of
Are you tired?If today were weather, what would it be?
Instead of
Do you have friends?Who did you sit with at lunch? What did you talk about?
Instead of
What did you learn?What did you learn today that surprised you?
Instead of
What do you want to be?If you could teach the whole class something, what would it be?
Instead of
Is everything okay?Was there a moment today when you felt left out?
Instead of
Why are you upset?Where in your body do you feel it? What would help a little?
Instead of
Was it a good day?What made you smile today?
Instead of
Was everyone nice?Who was kind to you today?
Instead of
How are you?If you were an animal today, which one would you be? Why?
Instead of
Anything planned?What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Instead of
Do you miss anyone?Who would you like to give a hug right now?
Instead of
Was it okay?What was a little bit hard today?
Instead of
Did you do your jobs?What did you help with today?
Instead of
Was it boring?What made you forget the time today?
Instead of
Did you do well?What did you do this week that you are proud of?
Instead of
Were you scared?When did you feel brave this week?
Instead of
Any complaints?If you could change one rule at home, which one, and why?
Instead of
Who's your favourite?Who do you look up to, and what about them?
Instead of
What do you think?What is something you changed your mind about this year?
Instead of
Everything fine?What do you wish the others at this table understood better?
Instead of
Are you okay?When did you last feel really like yourself?
Instead of
Are you happy?What would you like more of in our family, and what less?
How to use them
- Ask one question, not five. Then listen, even if the answer is short.
- Answer it yourself too. Kids open up when you go first.
- Pick calm moments: the car, a walk, bedtime. Not straight at the school gate.
When the answer is a feeling
Sometimes a good question gets a feeling as an answer, and no word for it. The feelings wheel helps find one, and the listening compass helps you stay with it.
Questions about the questions
Why does my child always say "fine" when I ask about school?
Because "How was school?" is too big to answer. A concrete question gives them something to hold on to.
What age are these questions for?
Most work from about six. The family questions work for everyone at the table, the youngest answers first.